i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
