am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
