dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
please come you make the beer taste better
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
