im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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