it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
