I got chris browned last night
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
