Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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