Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
