hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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