thus making me awesome and them whores
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
