he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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