Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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