operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
