That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
barbara walters just said penis...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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