i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
