Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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