i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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