dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
