dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
