Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
