I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
