I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
