Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
