Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
