are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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