Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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