I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
