I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
