capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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