We won't sleep together?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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