we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
