I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Green mimosas i think yes
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
