There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
