we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's never too late to be topless.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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