remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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