your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
