I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
