2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
