Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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