bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
