you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
