she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
