dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
