I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This baby is an asshole
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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