Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
bring money and cleavage
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm always down for nudity.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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