just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
