woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
