omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
