I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
