turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
